Wednesday, 30 May 2018

The Shadow Taker

The Shadow Taker

Ssshooo! The wind waved the curtains, Olive was hiding under the blanket, she was afraid, she could see a dark figure come in from the window.“MUM!” Olive runs down stairs to her parents. They were watching the news, at the moment the news was talking about a man that died yesterday. A shadow was seen attacking him by the neighbours.

Olive saw that the shadow was the same mysterious person that was in her room. She raced up the stairs and went inside her room, the shadow had disappeared, her heart was racing. She went down stairs and her mum and dad had disappeared as well, she was terrified, she searched around the house to see if they were anywhere but they had vanished. Olive could see that her mum and dads car was still parked in the drive way. Then Olive heard something from here room, she slowly crept up the stairs then she saw the shadow again.

Olive was getting scared she grabbed the house keys and garage keys, and locked the house then she got out her bike and rode to her older brother’s house. She knocked on the door and Oscar her older brother opened it.
“Why are you here Olive, aren't you supposed to be with mum and dad” Oscar said.
“Mum and dad disappeared.”
“Come inside and tell me what happened” Oscar replied, as he closed the door he made sure there was no one following Olive. She told him what had happened, then they both went to the house they stayed together and explored it. Then Olive heard something break she turned around to see if anything was broken behind her there was nothing broken. Olive turned around and her brother disappeared, she ran screaming out of the house. Everyone was sleeping her watch started to beep she looked at the time it was 11:47pm. She went to the police station and told them what happened. They went to the house and somehow killed the shadow.

The next day everything was fine but here brother and parents weren't there she went to her other brothers house she lived with him then one night she heard something break in the living room she went in the living room by herself. She was scared then the shadow attacked her.
"AHHHHHHHH HELP!"
Her brother woke up “Olive?”
She disappeared like her brother,mum and dad.

WALT: Write a narrative

I will need to include...
  • An interesting title
  • A hook sentence which captures the audience
  • An opening paragraph to introduce characters and story setting
  • Organise the story into paragraphs - Build up, problem, solution, ending
  • Language features
   * Verbs and adverbs
   * Descriptive language - Adjectives, similes, metaphors, personification
   * Time connectives - eventually, finally, after that, suddenly, meanwhile, then,
  • Interesting dialogue which adds to the story  


James’ comment this was very entertaining and you used good dialogue